Teren had more than three
temper tantrums today. The first one
this morning was over a shirt she wanted to borrow from Saria. I required her to “ask nicely” before she
could have it, and when she did Saria graciously gave it to her. The second one was over the strings on her
dress that she didn’t want tied. I told
her I was going to tie them or cut them off.
She let me tie them so we could drive to church but she started up again
after we were on our way into the building.
That’s when I went and got scissors from the library. When attempted to cut them off she freaked
out and said she would stop, but she said couldn’t make herself. Somewhere about the time the meeting was
starting we where in the foyer and Josh came out to help. I think he gave her candy to make her stop.
(I asked him about this later and he said he didn’t give her anything.) Tonight at bath-time the temper tantrum was
about a towel. Teren has been putting
her towel on herself and getting in her pajamas by herself just fine. She even learned how to wipe herself recently
after going #2. We have had a goal for
the kids to help each other so we could get ready for the new baby. So as Teren wanted to get out I told Allie to
help her with the towel and Teren refused to allow Allie to help her. That started her on an hour long tantrum of
“Daddy wake up and put the towel on me now!”
Somehow I didn’t loose it today.
I warned her that if she didn’t stop I would have to spank her. It did begin to subside after that. Then she asked ‘please’ for me to help her
with the towel. I required her to “ask nicely” as best she could so that I
could help her. I told her that
screaming and tantrums is not how we get our way. After she asked nicely I held her for a
minute and told her I didn’t like to see her so sad. I hope I helped her understand the behavior
that is expected. She went to bed
exhausted about 8pm (bed time is
usually at 7pm ).
I am trying to figure out
why she and I get into these power struggles.
Part of it is the voice of my Mom in the back of my mind that says once
she starts the temper tantrum that I can’t give in or it will show her that
that’s how she can get her way. I think
Josh’s rescue is feeding it, but I can’t control his behavior. (I learned later this is my paranoia and not
a reality.) Somehow she gets in her mind
that she wants something and, like a Pit-bull, won’t let go. She will get focused on the problem and go
from one thing to the next of something that she can’t have. I think she’s just trying to push me to see
if I’ll give in. (The fence analogy.) I
keep praying for answers to know what to do, but something says that not doing
anything may be the best remedy. Tonight
may have been the best I have ever handled it before. I didn’t get angry, and I kept my voice even
and calm telling her what behavior I expected.
I did raise my voice a little when I warned her of getting spanked and if
she would have continued out of control, as her Mother, I think that would have
been necessary for her.
Ironically today our
lesson in Relief Society was about Elder Christofferson’s talk on
Chastening. The Spirit played a great
symphony along with the melody of the teacher and the other Sisters
comments. I was learned about
parenting. It was more questions that I
need to ponder more than anything. I
need to study my notes and search out the answers in the scriptures and
Conference talks. I really wish I could
go to some self-help book and have someone else tell me what to do… but I know
it wouldn’t be the right answer for me.
I have never really ever heard anyone describe this happening in their
children so I don’t know if all tantrums even have the same psychology behind
them. The default program in my head
keeps looking for some pattern in it, to see if I can explain it. Hah!
That’s a good one. I think I just
need to start reading D&C 121 every day to see if the Spirit can unlock
some mysteries for me. Elder Scott says
that as we ponder on the scriptures we get revelation… maybe that’s my
answer.
Hilary Weeks- More like a
Whisper
